It's all relative.

So, I did these color tests yesterday. I have a feeling that there is really no particularly scientific evidence backing them, but they did seem pretty accurate. I’m not sure what the difference is between a “signature” color and a “true” color, but I do know that, as it turned out, both of mine started with “B”. B for boring. Brown and sterling blue (which, it looks like is the most neutral shade of blue around). Now, I mean, seriously, I’m not boring. People think I’m funny—well, sometimes anyway. There’s nothing wrong with being impartial, steady, interested in challenging my mind, being a problem solver, being curious, or logical.

I like myself a lot and my husband likes me a lot and so do my friends and my parents…most of the time anyway!

Here’s the thing though…I’ve been realizing more and more that I’m kind of weird. I grew up in a family that put a very high value on intellectual achievements. I remember one occasion a few years ago where several of my cousins and my brother did a Sunday crossword start to finish in no more than 15 minutes flat. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes. Growing up in this type of environment, I made it through high school honestly believing that “nerds” were actually the “cool” ones and that “jocks”, who really didn’t even exist in my world, actually wanted to be “nerds”. I wanted to be nerdier and was proud of the fact that I was part of the brainy crowd. I spent my time trying to act smarter than I really was. I never was ashamed of the fact that I hated parties and liked staying home playing speed scrabble with my nerdy family and friends.

I was sitting in one of my graduate classes last semester and my professor said something like “now, keep in mind that those of you sitting in this room are in the minority—you are in graduate school, which means that you’ve, of course, spent some time during your life covering up the fact that you are smart. Don’t pretend that you’ve never been embarrassed about being a “nerd”. I know there’s been a time when you’ve kept it a secret”.

I quite literally almost interrupted her lecture to question my classmates about the validity of this statement. It was quite the epiphany for me as I realized that I’m supposed to be embarrassed about being smart! I probably would fit into normal society much better if I would just take the time to tone down my dorky side once in a while. I realized that reading books at parties and counting cars by color while standing on the street corner and doing crosswords while walking down the street and studying organic chemistry in my free time just for fun aren’t really normal things to do.

I did think for a while about what I would be like if I stopped doing nerdy things—would I be more fun? Would I have more friends? Would I be more interesting? Maybe, but I actually like me for who I am, so I guess I’ll be proud to be a “true brown” with a signature color of “sterling blue” and I’m really hoping to get a new Bill Bryson book at the library today, but only after I memorize my library barcode number like Amy Vecchione who works for the Idaho State Historical Society. She has her barcode memorized which is, to date, the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s even dorkier than me…she’s totally my mentor.