My New Diet...

Is fear of choking a certifiable paranoia? Several months ago I did one of those numbers where you get a little water down the wrong pipe and then you cough it back out. I was home alone and for some reason it made me realize that, while water was manageable, it would be really horrible if I choked on a big chunk of food while I was alone.

Ever since then I’ve been terrified of eating at home alone. This doesn’t pose much of a problem except for times like this week, when Craig is out of town. I mean, I’ve got my cat, but unless I can teach her to dial 911 and say “the lady who cleans out my litter box and feeds me every once in a while is on the floor and she’s turning purple” then there’s not much she can do to help.

So, basically I’m planning on consuming a diet of liquids and pudding from now until Sunday morning. Maybe I can hire one of those Hospice nurses to come sit with me while I eat. I hear they only cost $17/hr. I suppose at that rate I could just go to Applebee’s…ironically enough—I always have French Onion soup there, so I guess I should just stick with my liquid diet at home instead.